Life Work Coaching Blog

“Where there is love there is life.” Gandhi.

Of all the things we accomplish in life … finding love, being in love, staying in love, losing love and grieving for it’s loss; these emotions represent the most important, complex, challenging, illusive and stimulating themes of our lives. Since earliest recorded history many works of art, books, movies, poetry, music and theater are devoted to this mysterious component of truly being alive.

“Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.

It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.?”

I Corinthians 13:4-8

What poets, writers and playwrights understand is that much of our hopes and dreams, our joy and laughter, our purpose and our life focus are melded into and built around this preeminent emotion. “Who so loves, believes the impossible.” Browning.

We also understand, albeit reluctantly, that after a short ecstatic, magical period of sheer bliss the energy level begins to subside and we start to explore the person we are in love with and more calmly imagine a long-term relationship.

Do You Love Your Relationship?

“Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone.” Wheatley

It is said that love is blind, but love is also potentially a guide and a gateway to a more sustaining, and a lasting relationship. But is love enough to sustain a relationship, or do we need more? Love is like the blossom on the tree, but the relationship is the roots, integrity is the trunk, ethics is the bark, loyalty is the branches, compassion are the leaves and joy is the sunshine.

So how do Integrity, Loyalty, Ethics, Compassion and Joy fit into your Relationship? Because, just like your relationship if any element of the tree is not working effectively the blossoms fall, the leaves wither, and the tree begins to die. We know from experience that a fledgling tree/relationship needs water, it must be protected from blight and viruses, it must be pruned and cut back to build new growth, and the roots must be in the right environment with room to grow.

Love may be difficult to define, but the other building blocks of a relationship, built upon the foundation of love, are more pragmatic, more easily defined, and more readily developed. “Man is a knot, a web, a framework, and a mesh into which relationships are tied. Only those relationships matter.” –Antoine de Saint-Exupery

If you are building or rebuilding a relationship call Karen at 1-206-434-1521 for a powerful sample session focused on the keys to creating and maintaining a successful relationship.

“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.” Robbins

We are frequently and enthusiastically and often relentlessly encouraged to think positively and to have faith in ourselves. A legitimate reaction to this hectoring would be to ask if these are just words parroted by well meaning people, who seem out of touch with the world I live in, or are they revealing a formula for success?

The reality is, whatever the motivation, positive thinking, leads to positive results. In other words we are what we think. And as the focus is positive, this is obviously an invocation to eliminate or to minimize negative thoughts and beliefs. As F. Bosworth recommended: “Believe your beliefs and doubt your doubts.”

Research has demonstrated that the brain, a chemical and electrical powerhouse, responds to frequent thoughts by forming connections, links and nodes to make these thoughts more easily accessible. If we think positive, we get more positive connections, and a greater focus on positive thoughts, and if we focus on the negative … we gain more negative thinking opportunity! As Napoleon Hill notes: “What Ever The Mind Can Conceive and BELIEVE, It Can Achieve.”

This is interesting, but where did all of these negative beliefs come from?

The Child is Father of the Man

“We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.”

Most beliefs are formed when we are young children, when we are totally dependent on others, unable to think or fend for ourselves, we relied upon elders to guide, show and demonstrate. Unfortunately the child’s perception is that everyone appears competent and we the child are remarkably ineffective.

This early overwhelming demonstration of our incompetence is often reinforced by well meaning parents and elders who negatively reinforce, for fear the child will over reach and get hurt.

It is a little premature to explain to the child that life IS about making mistakes, and by using experiential feedback to modify our understanding and to adjust our actions we learn and apply the lessons of life. Throughout our lives we are constantly breaking new ground, pioneering new territory and cautiously moving out of our comfort zone and into the realm of possibility.

To be successful in life it is vital to have strong positive belief in yourself, and a resolve to succeed by planning and preparing appropriately, and by taking action with faith and confidence in a positive outcome. “To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.” France.

Fact or Interpretation?

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge – myth is more potent than history – dreams are more powerful than facts – hope always triumphs over experience – laughter is the cure for grief – love is stronger than death” Robert Fulghum

One powerful technique to attack negative beliefs or assumptions is to simply ask … Is this a Fact or an Interpretation? We use this as part of our Coaching Clearing Exercise as the first action of the day. This is combined with taking a Stand for the Day, as a reminder of what is important, what is positive, and what your belief can manifest.

So think and act positively, believe in yourself, and move forward with confidence. If you would like to learn how to incorporate the powerful Clearing Exercise into your daily planning call Kevin or Karen for more information. “Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn’t have it in the beginning.” Gandhi

“Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood.” William Shakespeare

Every now and again you hear a phrase a saying or a quote that resonates with you so powerfully you know it will be part of your life and language forever. The words of wisdom that transformed my understanding of simple conversation are: Spiral-Up or Spiral-Down? This question asks if a conversation you are having is positive, uplifting or productive or is it negative, descending and destructive?

Now that may seem a little harsh, as many conversations are neutral, but the message is clear. “Do not start a conversation with negative information. You won’t have anywhere to go with it.” Friedman. Unfortunately, this is the problem, because if the conversation is negative it seems to Spiral-Down and drag everyone with it, however, if the conversation is positive, there is a greater chance to inspire the listener and challenge them to Spiral-Up with you. Good conversation is an exercise and a stimulus of the mind, while gossip is an exercise of the tongue, with little merit. If we are constantly exposed to positive influences we are more likely to be positive and encouraged but if we are constantly exposed to negative messages and ideas we are more likely to be depressed and dispirited.

Recently for example my wife and I decided to eliminate television from our lives. While there is much potentially good in the medium we felt the stream of information was predominantly negative, and determined we needed to find less insidious, and more productive sources for our news and entertainment. And this in many ways illustrates the problem. This predominantly Spiral-Down communication system is powerfully addictive. It is hard to resist gossip, salacious revelation, and negative innuendo even when you know it is generally destructive and rarely accurate.

After a year of abstinence we only notice the absence when friends talk about the latest reality show, and we were forced to divert the conversation to a more meaningful subject. While the words Spiral-Up and Spiral-Down are powerfully suggestive, and even using positive or negative is a context, the goal of conversation is to inform, to learn and to improve the stature of both people involved. “Conversation is the fine art of mutual consideration and communication about matters of common interest that basically have some human importance.” Tead

So the next time you are in a conversation or about to begin a conversation, pause for a moment and consider will you be Spiraling Up or Spiraling Down?