Life Work Coaching Blog

A critical factor in building effective relationships within any organization is Reflective Listening. Reflective Listening takes determination and clear intent, absolute focus and dynamic participation. While it takes time to perfect, I promise you, mastering this will immediately have a positive impact on every aspect of your business and personal life.

The method is straightforward. You listen, tell the person what you heard, and ask if you understood them. If they say no, you listen and reflect back the information, and ask if you understood them. Repeat until they have nothing left to say. You will see body language change and breathing slow down. Any anger, resentment or discontent disappears. And most importantly your team member becomes your immediate ally. The positive energy spreads like wildfire, attitude improves… and service improves.

Recipe for Success:

• Let go of any negative beliefs about the person you are in conversation with

• Ask open-ended questions

• No interruptions – stay focused on the person

Start practicing Reflective Listening today; master it while teaching it to your full team…not just the managers

By practicing Reflective Listening we build healthy, honest relationships, which allows others to build the same. If we teach this life-altering method to everyone around us we create an environment geared toward success. The listener implies…you’re just as important as I am and I care enough about you to hear what you’re saying: even if I don’t agree.

As owners or managers we often feel annoyed by the small, seemingly inconsequential stuff, and just as often it is these very things that add up to the big stuff! So put away your judgment and pre-conceived notions and take full responsibility for creating a successful Reflective Listening conversation. Consequently the drain of negative energy created by lack of communication and listening is completely resolved leaving space for greatness from the entire team and incredibly happy customers.

For information or to arrange sessions to build a world-class organization, a powerful team and enthusiastic and delighted customers, contact Karen or Kevin at 206-434-1521 or karen@kcarey.com

“Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood.” William Shakespeare

Every now and again you hear a phrase a saying or a quote that resonates with you so powerfully you know it will be part of your life and language forever. The words of wisdom that transformed my understanding of simple conversation are: Spiral-Up or Spiral-Down? This question asks if a conversation you are having is positive, uplifting or productive or is it negative, descending and destructive?

Now that may seem a little harsh, as many conversations are neutral, but the message is clear. “Do not start a conversation with negative information. You won’t have anywhere to go with it.” Friedman. Unfortunately, this is the problem, because if the conversation is negative it seems to Spiral-Down and drag everyone with it, however, if the conversation is positive, there is a greater chance to inspire the listener and challenge them to Spiral-Up with you. Good conversation is an exercise and a stimulus of the mind, while gossip is an exercise of the tongue, with little merit. If we are constantly exposed to positive influences we are more likely to be positive and encouraged but if we are constantly exposed to negative messages and ideas we are more likely to be depressed and dispirited.

Recently for example my wife and I decided to eliminate television from our lives. While there is much potentially good in the medium we felt the stream of information was predominantly negative, and determined we needed to find less insidious, and more productive sources for our news and entertainment. And this in many ways illustrates the problem. This predominantly Spiral-Down communication system is powerfully addictive. It is hard to resist gossip, salacious revelation, and negative innuendo even when you know it is generally destructive and rarely accurate.

After a year of abstinence we only notice the absence when friends talk about the latest reality show, and we were forced to divert the conversation to a more meaningful subject. While the words Spiral-Up and Spiral-Down are powerfully suggestive, and even using positive or negative is a context, the goal of conversation is to inform, to learn and to improve the stature of both people involved. “Conversation is the fine art of mutual consideration and communication about matters of common interest that basically have some human importance.” Tead

So the next time you are in a conversation or about to begin a conversation, pause for a moment and consider will you be Spiraling Up or Spiraling Down?