Life Work Coaching Blog

‘Sanctuary, on a personal level, is where we perform the job of taking care of our soul.’ McDowell

In a stressful world the use of guided meditation is successfully applied to replenish and revitalize, and to cleans and refresh our being at the deepest level. While this is an effective practice it usually requires careful preparation and is not designed for soothing our emotions, clearing our mind and washing away accumulated overwhelming mental clutter, during a hectic workday.

People will stretch, go for a quick walk or get a cup of coffee to release physical tension but this provides an inadequate release for emotional stress and overwhelm. Instinctively our bodies protect us from ourselves. We yawn deeply and often fall into short periods of reverie or ‘day-dreaming.’ It is not so much we are physically tired but we are often mentally fatigued, and our body takes over to enforce a momentary emotional ‘vacation.’

However, we should prepare for these temporary mental and physical breakdowns by planning occasional ‘sanctuary’ breaks. This simply requires closing your eyes, taking several deep, slow breaths, in and out through the nose, while simultaneously picturing yourself experiencing a real or an imaginary perfect place. This could be sitting on a tropical beach, in the shade of a tree or sitting in your favorite bar or coffee shop. As you breath visualize the sights, the smells, the sounds, the feel and the sense of being present in this place.

Practicing this simple technique will give you the ability to take a short but powerful break that will leave you rested, clear, at ease and ready for the next physical and mental challenge.

‘Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it.’ Anais Nin

The continuous development of life skills and living awareness is an essential ingredient of survival and success. Hour-by-hour and day-by-day we instinctively gather information, experience and awareness, focused on threats and danger, and on opportunity and possibility. Fortunately, every person we meet is a walking library of new ideas, accumulated experience, unique perspectives and reflective curiosity. In every contact with every person we use all of our senses, both directly and indirectly, to gather data and adapt it to our needs. When we communicate we exchange information, we share experiential stories and we learn from each other.

Unfortunately, like radio stations we are predominantly inclined toward broadcasting and we receive through a series of contextual filters, which reflect our awareness and our ability to process and/or to accept new or upgraded data. ‘Communication – the human connection – is the key to personal and career success.’ Paul J. Meyer

Sharing our gifts of knowledge fuels living success as we give and we receive consciously and unconsciously. Every contact, every connection and every exchange is transformative. Our survival mechanism, our protective instincts and our relentless curiosity fuel our appetite for more or better knowledge. Every person we meet is bursting to tell stories, is ready to share unique experiences and is programmed and anxious to reveal and re-experience their life work. ‘Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fortunately every person has knowledge, every person has gifts and every person has value. Their culture, their country, their education or their ethnicity are simply distracting overlays failing to mask our shared humanity, our common goals and our struggle for survival.

We are all energetic beacons of knowledge and skill, driven by relentless curiosity on a shared journey and with a deep desire to creatively connect for mutual benefit.

Everyone you meet has gifts for you and you have gifts to share.

The challenge is to be present to possibility, to be aware of the opportunity and to be genuinely curious and open to new information.

‘The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are.’ Stephen R. Covey

When people discuss relationships and inevitably relationship problems, they are usually talking about another person, or persons, and are rarely describing their own role and responsibilities, or the quality of the contribution they are making in developing an effective relationship. It is easy to fall into the trap of being judgmental, as comments often degrade into trying to shape or ‘improve’ the behavior of another person to reflect our needs rather than theirs. This is like building a house without consultation with the owner, without a plan and with no foundation. ‘Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person.’ Wayne Dyer

What is a Relationship?

‘Sometimes it is the person closest to us who must travel the furthest distance to be our friend.’ Brault

There are many different types of relationships in our lives. The first to be thought of is usually a romantic relationship, but we also have family, friends, social, business, community, spiritual and professional relationships. In discussing relationships we often use words such as intimate, loyal, loving, trustworthy, supportive, nurturing, close, dependable, generous, rewarding and perhaps inspirational.

Alternately we may describe relationships as challenging, dysfunctional, fragile, broken, complicated, and sometimes even abusive. The reality, for most of us, is our happiness; our success and our self-esteem are a direct reflection of our ability to connect, to relate and to productively interact with a diverse range of individuals, groups and audiences.

If we accept the importance of stimulating relationships to a successful life, how do we develop, improve and enhance our relationship abilities? The first step is to take a long look in the mirror!

‘Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.’ Harriet Goldhor Lerne

The first question to ask ourselves is how are you doing in your relationships? What qualities and values, attributes and benefits, and positive, creative energy do you bring to each relationship? Are you making a meaningful difference in other people’s lives, their work, their self-esteem and their happiness? ‘Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.’ Mark Twain

The second question to ask is … would you want a relationship with you? While it is reassuring to respond immediately and positively, without forethought, it is more effective to respond after careful consideration.

Think of your key relationships? How would you rate each one’s success and effectiveness? How do you think the other person values these relationships? While it is always an advantage to ask this question of the other person, it is far more powerful to first ask the question of ourselves!

Are you open and aware, sensitive and connected, positive and energetic or are you preoccupied and distracted, frustrated and self absorbed, distant and not fully present? What is it about your beliefs, your values, and your behavior, which makes you a light for others to flow toward or are you a flickering flame that is difficult to stay connected with?

‘Before we can have a successful relationship with anyone, we first need a sustaining personal relationship.’ Russ Von Hoelscher

Building an Inspirational   Personal Relationship?

‘When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.‘ William Arthur Ward

The challenge we face is we usually do not have a structured way of looking at ourselves and evaluating our relationship prowess. This is where a coach can help you to develop a powerful relationship with yourself as the basis for inspirational relationships with others.

For example if we look at the underlying structure of our lives … we are all born with a natural being or essence; we develop beliefs and contexts about our world which shape our lives to create living behaviors, some of which we may define as positive and some we would deem as negative. Our behaviors begin to develop in early childhood as learned protective survival mechanisms and evolve into automatic behaviors as we grow into adults.

Our values and perceptions help define and quantify and evaluate our experiences, leading to developed skills and ability, and strengths and weaknesses in dealing with our world and connecting with the people we have relationships with. Integrated this ‘way of being’ is our life purpose, which gives powerful direction to our life.

To be self-conscious and self-aware, to have high self-esteem and self-confidence is the foundation of a powerful presence and a way of being, which builds extraordinary relationships.

For a free session to learn your Essence and to create more rewarding and more successful relationships call Karen or Kevin at 1-518-871-1689